Separated vs Set Apart

Separate: cause to move or be apart.

Ex: I separate my whites from my colors.

Set apart: to keep or intend for a special purpose

Ex: Her drive and determination set her part from those around her.

She felt isolated, when really she was set apart.

Now, you’ll notice that both of these words have something in common: a distance between one or more things.

Lately, I’ve been feeling a bit separated, even from myself. I know you’re probably wondering “wtf is she talking about ?? How can you be separated from yourself ?”

Lemme explain. Recently, I’ve decided that I no longer wanna go through the motions. I want to be present . In doing this, it’s like I’ve stepped outside of myself. I’m noticing habits, thoughts and feelings that I thought were “just the way I am”. It’s almost as if I’m looking at myself, from the outside in. It’s pretty weird. And no, I wasn’t high. It’s more that I’ve started really zoning in. I journal , I use my therapy tools, I meditate. I really slow down and pay attention.

A part of that was what I imagined to be loneliness. Being that I became more observant, I started distinguishing between what I want and what I don't want. I stopped accepting whatever came my way. Fortunately, some of the umm entanglements (sorry I couldn’t help it) I found myself in, weren’t what I wanted. I was tempted to maintain the status quo, until I realized I actually wasn’t lonely.

What I was feeling was discomfort. I’d been so busy hiding behind these situations that I didn’t take note of my feelings. It was strange being completely alone, and this was shocking. I truly thought I’d mastered solitude. But once I achieved true solace, it took me back to a time of peace, which I hadn't felt for years. I had no idea I’d drifted away from the person that loved to dance in the mirror, sing out loud, lay in the grass and enjoy nature walks etc. This person was abandoned in the crowd, and the frenzy of seeking external validation.

Even though solitude felt uncomfortable, it was exactly what I needed. Who knew?? I’m always saying “if you feel uncomfortable, it means you’re growing “. These last few weeks really allowed me to listen to my own advice, and shiddd I'ma be doing that more often. I’m feeling more and more like myself. I’m grateful for that reminder to choose me. I chose to be deliberate in spending time alone, and validating myself.

Some of my favorite ways to spend time alone include :

• Listening to oldies while reading.Reading allows me to grow my mind. I recently finished reading 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't do. Y’all should check it out .

• Creating art: writing and drawing are some of my favorite outlets. It’s provides a more concrete way to look inward.

• Meditate: an abstract way to really examine your thoughts, by observing them as they happen. For people who are new to mediation, try picturing your thoughts as balloons floating by, out of your grasp. You're simply watching them come and go as they please, without becoming attached to any of these thoughts. You are simply observing.

• I’ve found it helpful to picture my mind as a tape recorder. I use “thought stopping “ to catch thoughts that run away with my attention and bring to a place of anxiety. I mentally note the thought , and go back and dissect it when I have some time. I also use this when I experience anger triggers or rejection wounds. I kinda “pin” the thoughts that send my mind to dark places, and replace them with facts. This, is called shadow work. I’m actually enjoying the process of becoming more mentally strong.

What are some of your favoriet ways to spend time alone?

As always,

Thanks for stopping by.

-Shaday